this is a story im trying to right and i would love for you guys to critique on the prologue.

The Night That the Rivers Ran Red With Blood.
There are terrors that at some point in life everyone shares, like a family member

dying in a war, or a lifelong best friend getting hurt and suffering because of somebody

else’s mistakes. A Grandmother or Grandfather passing away, domestic violence, maybe even

abuse. Yet for the few very unlucky people in this world there may be an unspeakable terror,

the kind that eats away at your insanity, and leaves you feeling vulnerable, and your

emotions raw. Whether or not you say you believe in something completely and utterly evil,

everybody believes in something dark and horrid at work out there, maybe the boogey man, or

serial killers, or whatever, this is a story based on that. A story about the struggle of a

girl, where all the good in the world has just seemingly died, and she is sucked out of her

peaceful life into one of treachery, horror, and revenge. Her will is tested, her limits

stretched beyond the breaking point and then some. And she falls in love, and we all know

that love makes a liar out of us all. Mankind does the most unbearable and horrid things out

love, and her beliefs will be tested. This is a story about a girl, about a life that

becomes filled with horrors, …on a night…when the rivers ran red with blood.

"What have you done!", she wailed. The figure looming over her, smiled down at her like a deadly predator, "Only what I have had to do in order to ensure that I am the only victor in this little game of ours." The figure let out a wicked laugh that shook her to the core. "You CANT do this!" she shouted miserably. "Now I know you certainly don't believe that," the thing said with a glint of humor in its voice, "Now this world belongs to me...and with it so do you!" The dark shape begin to close in on her, and her eyes widened in terror, "n-no..NO! GET AWAY FROM ME!!"
A piercing scream tore out into the darkness and a girl inhaled sharply and awoke with a cry. Flying up to a sitting position on her bed the girl clutched her blankets to her body. The girl looked around the room, her heart wildly thumping away in her chest. Shivering she drew the blankets around her and walked over quickly to her light switch, stumbling along the way. Flicking on the light switch she inhaled deeply and let out a long tired sigh, "What was up with that nightmare, majorly creepy!" Looking over at her cell phone that was sitting atop her little TV in her room she glanced at the time. " Ughh 5:57! Might as well get up now, if I try to go back to sleep I'll most likely just dose off for another two hours and be late to school!", she stated with a tired nervous laugh. Deep down she couldn’t shake the bad feeling she kept getting in her gut. She looked out of her apartment window, into the opaque darkness. There was a sliver of the waning moon in the sky. Tomorrow there would be a new moon, and she couldn’t help the prickling wariness in the back of her mind, "Sheesh get a grip on reality child, and get yourself ready for school!" She said shaking her head as she turned away from the window, and walked out of her room towards the bathroom. "Aaah just what I need a hot, steaming shower, to wash away any doubts that today will be a fabulous day!" About to surrender to her need for a relaxing shower she quickly turned around subconsciously and walked into the kitchen and turned on the bright light, she smiled softly, her mind a little more at ease and went to take her shower. Turning on the shower she let all her troubles be washed away, but for a split second she frowned, eyebrows furrowed she let out a shaky breath. 'Was that a laugh I just heard?.... Nope just my overactive imagination that or somebody downstairs is having a good time...' As she went back to showering a person,..or something in the shape of a person smiled up at her window with a tangible malice. "Yes push your worries aside little one, for now you are safe from harm, and with that...from me. But rest assured when the moon has left for her rest, and not a star shines in the midnight sky, your lovely peaceful life is over. And into the chaos you will be thrown. I am coming for you and no one will stop me from getting what is, and shall be mine." With that the figure spun on its heels and receded into the shadows of the early morning darkness.